The Why Behind This Epic Life
Maybe you wonder why I strive to live my most epic life, why I search for adventure in every single day and why I so eagerly share it all on the internet. And maybe you don’t wonder at all – don’t worry I won't hold it against you. But, I will share the reasons why I am always looking for adventure, why an epic life is the life I want to live and why I share it on the internet so enthusiastically.
For a long time I allowed myself to hide the realities of my life. I allowed myself to be in a marriage where I was abused; mentally and emotionally. I allowed my spirit to be diminished, my dreams invalidated by a narcissist who had to beat me down to feel better about himself. I gave in to the feelings that this relationship was what I deserved, that he was right and things I wanted to do or try like running were stupid, I allowed someone else to dictate that I be the worst possible version of myself. I questioned myself, was wanting a career stupid? Was my crafting pointless? Was he right? Was I not talented enough, good enough, worthy of anything good? I wasted a lot of time fighting for a relationship not worth fighting for, for trying to be good enough for someone who would have never found me good enough. And let's be clear, he wouldn't have found me good enough, not because I wasn't but because he wasn't. He was always the one lacking.
I’m proud of myself that I never allowed for him to keep me from the people I love as hard as he tried my friends and my family remained important and when I needed it I could get help, I had people to turn to and those people snapped me out of the weird trance I was in. When I finally woke up and found all the things I turned a blind eye to, the money he stole, the cheating he did, the disgusting creep behavior that had creeped its way right into the middle of my life, it was like a lightbulb went on FINALLY and I vowed to never let it be turned off again.
So now I live my best life as much of the time as I possibly can. I make every day an absolute adventure, I chase my career dreams, I craft, draw, journal, take a million makeup selfies, travel. Maybe running is a little stupid but I do it, completing many many 5ks and 10ks and two half marathons, I’ve hung upside from a hoop, I’ve swung around a pole and I found love and got married again to someone who supports every crazy thing I decide I want to do or try. I’ve held close the friends who allowed me to change and who changed right along with me. I have shut out the people who don’t believe in me or feel my marriage is not worthy of being valid. I work every day to turn off the voices in my head to ignore the negative and to remember I can live the most epic life imaginable.
I share all of this with you here on this blog, on Social Media, wherever you find me because I don’t want any of you to ever be in the place I was all those years ago. I don’t want any of you to ever feel that an epic life is beyond your reach or that you are surviving not thriving. Adventure is out there for all of us, good times, good food, good people who love you. I share all of this because who doesn’t love a buddy to have fun with, to journey through life with and who you can talk about crafting, books and makeup with. I share all of this because once I embraced who I truly am and discovered where I truly belonged in this life I was able to be the very best version of myself. I say all this because I want you all to know I’m here to help, here if you need an ear and because I owe karma a huge debt of gratitude and I want to give back to the universe.
Listen, we all know I’m not perfect – no one is. But imperfection in itself is an adventure and we are all growing and learning and together we can live our most epic lives – are you with me?
Big shout out to Sara at Sara Ella Photography for these incredible photos!